*Written December 18th (in traffic lol)
*Listening to: One King- Point of Grace :)
Okay, so here we sit in traffic. It's honestly horrible, not to mention that, well, I am in dire need of a bathroom. But without one in any range of sight, I shall have to sit and wait until one magically appears. In the meantime... Let's have a little story ladies & gents. :) Shall we?
*~~~~*
The scars ran in elegant lines down her long legs. If one was to look from a distance, he or she might see the the lines forming intricate designs and pictures. Her best artwork was hidden in scars on her legs, but only she could see the beauty in them. Others saw them as the monsters that they were. They knew ther her addiction was slowly killing her, but they could not do anything about it. She was her own person, the title of eighteen weighing heavily upon her shoulders. She said she was completely in control, although it was a contradiction to what she knew was true. She was spiraling out of control in an alarming rate.
The deeper she cut, the better she felt, but the razor was only a mask to hide the pain she felt in her heart. She sliced bitterly at her leg in her heartache, but there was no instant relief. Her hand was unusually shaky, an the lines squiggled hopelessly as her hand trembled. Finding no comfort from the slices she made in her skin, she threw the blade across the large bathroom. She suddenly felt the cold tiles against her bare, bleeding legs as the razor clattered against the floor. She curled into herself as teardrops fell from her eyes.
She was startled by the sobs coming from right beside her. It shouldn't have surprised her, she knew who it was before she even looked up. She looked up to see him looking at her with tear filled eyes. The razor blade lay untouched on the floor but blood was flowing from identical cuts on his legs. Surely he hadn'y done this to himself. He wasn't the type she thought. But the proof was there written in blood on his legs. She gasped ashamed as she realized that when she cut, he bleed too. He was her perfect match, half of who she was. Jesus pulled her into a hug as they cried together.
"Why would you do this?" He was only whispering, but he might as well been yelling with the guilt it brought her.
"I was all alone. I had no one to help with my problems." She shrugged as she spoke.
"I wanted to help you sweetie." The girl was angered by this, and glared in his direction.
"Then why didn't you? Why wern't you there?" His eyes showed the sadness he hid from his face.
"You wouldn't let me. You ran away, you didn't want me anymore." She gasped as he continued. "Do you know how long I've stood, pacing the floor, waiting for you to come home? Waiting for the day I got to listen to your problems, to help you solve them. Waiting to get to hold you in my arms again to protect you from the world waiting to tear you apart, but you ran to them. Now look, they broke you and made you theirs." She was bawling now ashamed of her past.
"Am I fixable?" She asked in a whisper, and was surprised to hear him chuckle.
"Of course you're fixable." But his face took on a more serious look as he stared into her eyes.
"I love you Emmy." He was entirely serious, it was then that I noticed that I was the pathetic girl in the flashback.
"I love you. I'm so sorry." He only shook his head as he looked out the bathroom window at the stars.
"You're mine now you know." His lips were pulled into a smirk as the midnight stars twinkled behind him.
"Forever." I whispered.
*~~~*
AWH :) and to think, that really was me at one point in time. Thankfully Jesus stepped in and took me back. I don't deserve the kindness that he gave me, but it comes in overwhelming torrents on a daily basis. Everything about the way he loves me is beautifully perfect.
I think that this story explains the reason as to why I am so passionate about To Write Love On Her Arms. Everyone needs to know that there is always hope, and hurting oneself is never the answer.
ANYWHO :)
I got to run, my story needs to be proofread and fixed, before my buddy Courtney can read the masterpeice that has been my last three months..
MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS :)
Shine Brightly.
Emily.Ann.
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First, I'm glad you had Starbucks to keep you company while you were stuck on the interstate! :)
ReplyDeleteSecond, this is a really beautiful post. I think it takes so much courage to share what you've gone through. I'm so thankful there are places out there like TWLOHA who are willing to discuss issues like this (in a totally non-judgy way) and point girls (and guys :) toward the resources they need to find healing. But I'm even more proud of you ... because it's easy to read stuff and never take it to heart. You did the hard part and took it to heart. You plugged into The Source that heals. You're choosing something better every day. I'm so stinking proud of you. So proud of all those words that come pouring out during a freakishly massive snowstorm! :)