quotelove: “Although Geppetto soon realized that Pinocchio was still made out of wood, it mattered little to him.”
(Pinocchio, page 7.)
February 19, 2010
Looking out into the night sky, I can see the stars. They are blanketed so perfectly random across the night sky as if God flung a bucket of glitter across His black canvas. It’s a cold night, the ground still clinging firmly to the chill of winter. I can feel my body begin to grow cold, and just a tad bit wet, but none of this matters as I stare into infinity. Because tonight, as I lay out under the stars, I know I am safe. Inside = potential danger, and I’m not quite ready to surrender just yet. I decide to play it safe until I know I’m strong enough to walk back into the battlefield so I curl up in my blanket just a wee bit tighter and begin to pen these thoughts.
The twinkling dots fill the sky much like fireflies in the warm summer air. But summer holds no meaning to what I am about to say. I was once told by a wise old man that, “The church was never meant by God to be an art gallery, but a hospital instead.” It is a place for soul healing in the most extreme way. A place to come before the creator of the milky way, and remember all the reasons you loved Him in the first place. And this makes me frown, because it reminds me that the church often isn’t used for that so much anymore. The church has accidentally allowed a monster into it’s presence. It's ripping the church apart from the inside out. And suddenly the members are cutting each other down. And they slowly drop out one by one until all that is left is a dried up piece of nothing.
Today
Sometimes I wonder what I would think of myself now if I had failed and cut again. I was so close that night. The blade touched my skin at least three dozen times before I threw it across the room and ran outside. I could already see that beautiful flower so perfectly sketched into my leg. I was already ten steps farther than I wanted to go. I had an emergency plan, planned out step by step, but the problem with emergency plans is, you have to WANT to get out of the situation, and at the moment I didn’t. I wanted to bleed, and scar, and then I would have a reason to sit around and feel sorry for myself. I wanted the adrenaline rush that usually followed my stupidity. But luckily a bit of sense flooded my mind, and visions of the possible future ran over me like cool relief.
So, I found myself outside thinking about the stars. And I love living in little ol’ barely on the map winfield, for one reason only. The stars can be clearly seen at night. Where I live, everything is really flat and whatnot and there really isn't a lot of trees around, and it's just like this vast blackness for as far as you could want. And really the beauty of it all overwhelms you as you look into something that you quite don't understand. And as I think I notice that some of the stars twinkled just a bit more brightly than others, and it reminds me of a quote I read once,
Each of us is like a star. sometimes we shine with the rest. Sometimes we twinkle* alone and sometimes, when we least expect it, we make someone’s dreams come true.
And that leads me to wonder how many people are out there wishing on one of these lucky stars. And how many guardian angels God is sending to help with their wishes. Because one night a little over a year ago, I was one of those people wishing. Only the really cool thing is, God started to grant it before I wished it. Looking back, I can see God’s hand in my life at this point of time. When I look over at my best friend at break, and he’s trying to push me over* I remember this point in my life quite vividly. Because without knowing it, I wished for him.
:]
Tylr Duncan (aka dare, the best friend, my guardian angel, the one I share all my secrets with) :]
I never thought that I would ever find a friend that I could be around all the time and never get tired of, because all of my friends begin to get on my nerves at a certain point. (: It’s true, sometimes he can be a bit dorky (and he tends to go act all smartical when he knows that I don’t understand :]), but you have to realize that it’s what makes him special. He’s one of those people that can always put a smile on your face, even if you’re a million zillion miles away. Honestly, I’m glad that we got into a fight and quit talking, because now, we’re even closer (: haha and I’m pretty much sure that after all we’ve been through, we’re supposed to be amigos. Because basically, I’d be lost without him and he would basically be crazy without me (; He is most definitely going to be the one that I will be friends with for the rest of my life. :) So haha.. Basically I can’t describe how happy I am that he’s back in my life. I honestly have no earthly clue how I got through the last few months without being completely bored to death. Tylr basically keeps me inline, and he is one of the main reasons I have permanently put away my knife. He was also the first person I told. There is this really great thing about him, where I can talk to him about absolutely anything, and no matter what I say, I know he won‘t ever look at me funny because of it. He’s the one living person on the whole world that knows almost all of my secrets.
“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on out hearts, and we are never, ever the same.” (Flavia Weedn)
So, with this last quote I leave you to ponder and reflect upon your life, look for that one person who you can't stand to be without, and never let them leave, because they are the one's that leave footprints that start just an inch deep but then begin to grow and branch out into the farthest corners of your heart. Because those are the ones that you will regret letting walk away.
ALL MY LOVE
Emily Ann
* haha anyway, so he likes to try to push me over because apppppparently i "walk like a drunken sailor" and whatnot and I have horrible balance issues.. Mean right (: lol
